One thing that has opened so much headspace for me recently is letting people be and not attaching my meaning to their actions…in this case, not letting myself feel like they don’t want to be my friend at all because I didn’t get invited the trip. Vacations are an intimate thing that you only get a few of, would you use yours with people you feel that you have drifted away from? Would they expect you to be willing to do the planning for the trip in your position of friendship? Did they mean any harm by not inviting you?
I think when it comes to our Lonely writer, I think they should reflect on why they are upset. Are they upset that the group dynamics have changed? Are they just upset that they're missing out?
I would suggest they give themselves permission to feel sad that their relationship has changed. They are at a crossroads where they can either choose to be at peace with their decision to step back from the group (to the point that they were excluded) or choose to rebuild and strengthen that relationship.
Lastly, this insecurity that they feel, wondering about how the group will react to them - part of that, I think, is their own failure to recognize that this is the result of their own choice to not keep in touch. It could be that the feeling is ultimately mutual, but that's a bridge to cross when you get to it.
No such thing as feeling being wrong, but I would ask that person to reflect on whether or not it’s really fair or reasonable to want people you only check in with occasionally to invite you on vacation. And if you only check in with them occasionally and aren’t really putting too much effort in… do you actually want to be closer? It’s okay for people to drift apart in a group while others get closer, that doesn’t mean anybody necessarily did anything wrong. I would ask the writer to think about whether they’re sad because they realized they genuinely want to be closer to these specific people or if they’re realizing they’re lonely in general
Friendships require attention and effort. You can’t expect people you don’t keep in regular touch with to invite you on a vacation. Especially as people get older and busier - it’s easy to think that because you were once tight you will always be tight - but it’s not the case.
One thing that has opened so much headspace for me recently is letting people be and not attaching my meaning to their actions…in this case, not letting myself feel like they don’t want to be my friend at all because I didn’t get invited the trip. Vacations are an intimate thing that you only get a few of, would you use yours with people you feel that you have drifted away from? Would they expect you to be willing to do the planning for the trip in your position of friendship? Did they mean any harm by not inviting you?
I think when it comes to our Lonely writer, I think they should reflect on why they are upset. Are they upset that the group dynamics have changed? Are they just upset that they're missing out?
I would suggest they give themselves permission to feel sad that their relationship has changed. They are at a crossroads where they can either choose to be at peace with their decision to step back from the group (to the point that they were excluded) or choose to rebuild and strengthen that relationship.
Lastly, this insecurity that they feel, wondering about how the group will react to them - part of that, I think, is their own failure to recognize that this is the result of their own choice to not keep in touch. It could be that the feeling is ultimately mutual, but that's a bridge to cross when you get to it.
No such thing as feeling being wrong, but I would ask that person to reflect on whether or not it’s really fair or reasonable to want people you only check in with occasionally to invite you on vacation. And if you only check in with them occasionally and aren’t really putting too much effort in… do you actually want to be closer? It’s okay for people to drift apart in a group while others get closer, that doesn’t mean anybody necessarily did anything wrong. I would ask the writer to think about whether they’re sad because they realized they genuinely want to be closer to these specific people or if they’re realizing they’re lonely in general
Friendships require attention and effort. You can’t expect people you don’t keep in regular touch with to invite you on a vacation. Especially as people get older and busier - it’s easy to think that because you were once tight you will always be tight - but it’s not the case.