"The beauty of knowing yourself, of really knowing yourself, of understanding your flaws and strengths and neutrals, is that you can decide which pieces you’re looking for feedback on — and which pieces are not open for discussion." - perfectly said!!! <3<3<3
I have been in pursuit of who I am and coming back to myself so these two sentences really stood out to me.
“And if in pursuit of becoming myself I come across as intimidating, well, I’m fine with that”
“The beauty of knowing yourself, of really knowing yourself, of understanding your flaws and strengths and neutrals, is that you can decide which pieces you’re looking for feedback on — and which pieces are not open for discussion”
I was just in a similar situation; my best friend thinks I run way from tough conversations, my boyfriend says I never leave tough conversations and both people think they know me. Vastly opposite views about me.
Hello Hayes. I'm I wrong for being angry that a friend stood me up. Me and this friend had planned to run a 5km race together and go for something to eat after. We discussed this a month in advance to so we could enter the race on time. On the day they didn't pitch and didn't answer my calls. I later asked them "why would they do that to me? " and they said "sorry I missed the alarm with my boyfriend" I felt mad and disrespected that they wasted my time and that prior to this indecent they had never mentioned their boyfriend. I feel like they tried to disregard my feelings by mentioning their boyfriend at this time too. Was I wrong for expecting more?
Hi Hayes! My boyfriend and I have been dating since April. I moved out of college and back into my house in January, around the same time he moved into my house. (He’s my sisters boyfriends best friend lol). We hung out mainly drinking and talking, then started advancing and now we’re dating. We’ve had a lot of issues so far like him thinking I cheated on him so he went through my phone when I was asleep and used my texts with my best friend against me. Which to be completely fair, my friend did say some things but she was just trying to be on my side. She’s seen my texts as well and strongly dislikes him and often brings it up. He no longer trusts my friends, and doesn’t want to be around them. She treats him badly in person which I understand she is just against him because of him and my issues. This past weekend, I went to the Jersey Shore with my friends for a birthday. He asked to come so I persuaded, and got him to come. We all went out drinking and at the bar me and my friend began dancing to a song and he moved away from me and told my friend I was embarrassing. Afterwards he started getting angry at me and giving me the silent treatment and told me I do “dumb shit all the time”. I understand boundaries but am unsure why me dancing made him angry. It feels as if he wishes I acted older (I’m 20, he’s 27)
Hello Hayes. My roommate and I have been sharing our flat for about 6 months now. She’s super sweet about everything except for when it comes to cleaning up from supper. We usually do 4-5 home meals a week and we split making those (meaning we both always help to make it 50/50). The issue leads with cleaning up. My roommate always tasks me with washing the dishes while she empties the table but we don’t have a dishwasher. This leads me to be washing our dishes and the ones that were used to make supper. It wouldn’t be an issue except for the second she takes all the dishes to me she leaves and considers herself finished. She expects me to wash, dry, put away, etc. This leaves me to be cleaning up at least 20 minutes more then her. I’ve brought it up with her a few times and she’s told me that it would be a waste for her to stay when I’m washing the dishes. I asked for her to take a turn washing them but she keeps bringing up that the soap that we have irritates her skin. She had no problem washes her own dishes throughout the day (maybe doesn’t use soap?). This kinda seems like a petty post but it bugs me especially since I’ve brought it up a few times and she doesn’t really care… I feel like I’m a ride or die on this and maybe I’m just being petty?
“I aspire to be so much more than nice or easy”- yes.
"The beauty of knowing yourself, of really knowing yourself, of understanding your flaws and strengths and neutrals, is that you can decide which pieces you’re looking for feedback on — and which pieces are not open for discussion." - perfectly said!!! <3<3<3
Love you Maya
This is beautifully said, I have gotten this feedback in the past. It amazes me how you look at situations and break them down. Thank you for this!
Thank you Hayes, this was beautifully written.
I have been in pursuit of who I am and coming back to myself so these two sentences really stood out to me.
“And if in pursuit of becoming myself I come across as intimidating, well, I’m fine with that”
“The beauty of knowing yourself, of really knowing yourself, of understanding your flaws and strengths and neutrals, is that you can decide which pieces you’re looking for feedback on — and which pieces are not open for discussion”
I was just in a similar situation; my best friend thinks I run way from tough conversations, my boyfriend says I never leave tough conversations and both people think they know me. Vastly opposite views about me.
Hello Hayes. I'm I wrong for being angry that a friend stood me up. Me and this friend had planned to run a 5km race together and go for something to eat after. We discussed this a month in advance to so we could enter the race on time. On the day they didn't pitch and didn't answer my calls. I later asked them "why would they do that to me? " and they said "sorry I missed the alarm with my boyfriend" I felt mad and disrespected that they wasted my time and that prior to this indecent they had never mentioned their boyfriend. I feel like they tried to disregard my feelings by mentioning their boyfriend at this time too. Was I wrong for expecting more?
Hi Hayes! My boyfriend and I have been dating since April. I moved out of college and back into my house in January, around the same time he moved into my house. (He’s my sisters boyfriends best friend lol). We hung out mainly drinking and talking, then started advancing and now we’re dating. We’ve had a lot of issues so far like him thinking I cheated on him so he went through my phone when I was asleep and used my texts with my best friend against me. Which to be completely fair, my friend did say some things but she was just trying to be on my side. She’s seen my texts as well and strongly dislikes him and often brings it up. He no longer trusts my friends, and doesn’t want to be around them. She treats him badly in person which I understand she is just against him because of him and my issues. This past weekend, I went to the Jersey Shore with my friends for a birthday. He asked to come so I persuaded, and got him to come. We all went out drinking and at the bar me and my friend began dancing to a song and he moved away from me and told my friend I was embarrassing. Afterwards he started getting angry at me and giving me the silent treatment and told me I do “dumb shit all the time”. I understand boundaries but am unsure why me dancing made him angry. It feels as if he wishes I acted older (I’m 20, he’s 27)
Hello Hayes. My roommate and I have been sharing our flat for about 6 months now. She’s super sweet about everything except for when it comes to cleaning up from supper. We usually do 4-5 home meals a week and we split making those (meaning we both always help to make it 50/50). The issue leads with cleaning up. My roommate always tasks me with washing the dishes while she empties the table but we don’t have a dishwasher. This leads me to be washing our dishes and the ones that were used to make supper. It wouldn’t be an issue except for the second she takes all the dishes to me she leaves and considers herself finished. She expects me to wash, dry, put away, etc. This leaves me to be cleaning up at least 20 minutes more then her. I’ve brought it up with her a few times and she’s told me that it would be a waste for her to stay when I’m washing the dishes. I asked for her to take a turn washing them but she keeps bringing up that the soap that we have irritates her skin. She had no problem washes her own dishes throughout the day (maybe doesn’t use soap?). This kinda seems like a petty post but it bugs me especially since I’ve brought it up a few times and she doesn’t really care… I feel like I’m a ride or die on this and maybe I’m just being petty?
This feels like a power anthem for the overthinking people pleasers of the world, and I love that, thank you for writing this Hayes 💕