This was one of the most eloquent and thoughtful ways to talk though such an intimate internal struggle. Thank you for that. While I was reading I was struck by the thought, "my body is the least interesting thing about me", this idea has helped me step away from the monster. I hope they can find peace within themselves.
Thank you for this, Cece. I'm so glad that part resonated with you: It's something I repeating to myself constantly. Thank you for being here and for being you!
What a beautiful, vulnerable, and incredibly empathetic take on a sensitive topic! I read this while listening to you read it out loud from TikTok just now and I teared up with you when we got to the end. Your words have such purpose and goodness and KINDNESS to them, it makes my heart sing to read your newsletters, dearest Hayes. Thank you so much for sharing these, they really make my day <3 hope you have a great one too, lovely!
Maya, I'm so grateful for you and I LOVE how you listened to this. That is SO SMART and gives me such interesting perspective on how real, beautiful humans like you are consuming my content. Thank you for being so generous with your feedback. It gives me courage.
I find myself in a strange place in relation to my own body. When I was a kid, I was chubby. Or at least, my mom thought I was. My mom was... not a fan of it. It came from a place of love, of wanting to protect me from the bullying of other kids. And it came from a place where my mother almost certainly has had a disordered relationship to food and her own body. In truth, I look back on photos of myself from that time and I looked like a normal kid growing into herself. I consider it something of a miracle that I made it to and through adulthood with a relatively healthy relationship to food and my own body.
But in the last few years, I've really put on some pandemic weight. I don't fit into my clothes the way I used to. I don't feel comfortable in my body the way I used to. Looking in the mirror or at photos is much more of a struggle for me than it used to be. And suddenly my mom's comments - and the negative self-talk she did in front of me - are rearing their ugly heads. Unfortunately, my amazing fiance - while he loves me AND my body the way it is - has his own self-image body issues and has made comments about himself in front of me that start echoing in my own head. And to add to the pile, I'm rapidly reaching the age where society already tells women they no longer have any social capital, as well as the age where weight comes off even less easily than it used to. I'm worried that I'm in for a really bumpy ride.
Hi beautiful. Thank you for your comment, I'm sorry I didn't get to respond until now.
First of all: I understand. I want to hug all the versions of you, the young one in the photos that you look back at with love now. And the version of you today, who is just as beautiful and perfect as the younger you. Our bodies change. It's a hard pill to swallow, for all the reasons you listed. Get rid of the clothes that don't fit anymore -- don't even try to try them on again. You don't need to put yourself through that agony.
I think, with your fiance, it might be helpful to have a conversation about how to support each other and create some boundaries. For example, I think it's fair to say: We both will try not to talk about our bodies in front of each other. That will be good for so many reasons -- you won't be triggered by his negative body-talk, and by limiting (and hopefully cutting out completely) the amount of negative body-talk you do in front of each other, you will cut down on the amount it happens overall. Which in turn should help heal your body image. It's a win-win.
Wow! This was so beautifully written that I nearly cried… I struggled with my body nearly my entire life & I am a huge stress and comfort eater. I lost weight in the last 2 years so that manyyy people commented on it and said how good I looked etc. this is so wrong. Society is so wrong for this. I just wanted to feel more comfortable in my skin, bc clothes do look better, but I do not estimate my self worth on my weight. Society is so wrong for doing so! I do feel more comfortable the skinnier I am because people prefer it like that and I don’t want to be the overweight one to my super skinny friends. But like 2/3 of my female friends have had bulimia/anorexia. That this is just a huge thing is sickening… I just hate society and humanity nowadays. Sometimes. Most times.
And do you look absolutely stunning in that dress!! xx but what is worth so much more is the kindness you’re giving to the world and the beautiful free advice. THANK YOU HAYES!
This was one of the most eloquent and thoughtful ways to talk though such an intimate internal struggle. Thank you for that. While I was reading I was struck by the thought, "my body is the least interesting thing about me", this idea has helped me step away from the monster. I hope they can find peace within themselves.
Thank you for this, Cece. I'm so glad that part resonated with you: It's something I repeating to myself constantly. Thank you for being here and for being you!
What a beautiful, vulnerable, and incredibly empathetic take on a sensitive topic! I read this while listening to you read it out loud from TikTok just now and I teared up with you when we got to the end. Your words have such purpose and goodness and KINDNESS to them, it makes my heart sing to read your newsletters, dearest Hayes. Thank you so much for sharing these, they really make my day <3 hope you have a great one too, lovely!
Maya, I'm so grateful for you and I LOVE how you listened to this. That is SO SMART and gives me such interesting perspective on how real, beautiful humans like you are consuming my content. Thank you for being so generous with your feedback. It gives me courage.
What a beautiful column today.
I find myself in a strange place in relation to my own body. When I was a kid, I was chubby. Or at least, my mom thought I was. My mom was... not a fan of it. It came from a place of love, of wanting to protect me from the bullying of other kids. And it came from a place where my mother almost certainly has had a disordered relationship to food and her own body. In truth, I look back on photos of myself from that time and I looked like a normal kid growing into herself. I consider it something of a miracle that I made it to and through adulthood with a relatively healthy relationship to food and my own body.
But in the last few years, I've really put on some pandemic weight. I don't fit into my clothes the way I used to. I don't feel comfortable in my body the way I used to. Looking in the mirror or at photos is much more of a struggle for me than it used to be. And suddenly my mom's comments - and the negative self-talk she did in front of me - are rearing their ugly heads. Unfortunately, my amazing fiance - while he loves me AND my body the way it is - has his own self-image body issues and has made comments about himself in front of me that start echoing in my own head. And to add to the pile, I'm rapidly reaching the age where society already tells women they no longer have any social capital, as well as the age where weight comes off even less easily than it used to. I'm worried that I'm in for a really bumpy ride.
Hi beautiful. Thank you for your comment, I'm sorry I didn't get to respond until now.
First of all: I understand. I want to hug all the versions of you, the young one in the photos that you look back at with love now. And the version of you today, who is just as beautiful and perfect as the younger you. Our bodies change. It's a hard pill to swallow, for all the reasons you listed. Get rid of the clothes that don't fit anymore -- don't even try to try them on again. You don't need to put yourself through that agony.
I think, with your fiance, it might be helpful to have a conversation about how to support each other and create some boundaries. For example, I think it's fair to say: We both will try not to talk about our bodies in front of each other. That will be good for so many reasons -- you won't be triggered by his negative body-talk, and by limiting (and hopefully cutting out completely) the amount of negative body-talk you do in front of each other, you will cut down on the amount it happens overall. Which in turn should help heal your body image. It's a win-win.
Wow! This was so beautifully written that I nearly cried… I struggled with my body nearly my entire life & I am a huge stress and comfort eater. I lost weight in the last 2 years so that manyyy people commented on it and said how good I looked etc. this is so wrong. Society is so wrong for this. I just wanted to feel more comfortable in my skin, bc clothes do look better, but I do not estimate my self worth on my weight. Society is so wrong for doing so! I do feel more comfortable the skinnier I am because people prefer it like that and I don’t want to be the overweight one to my super skinny friends. But like 2/3 of my female friends have had bulimia/anorexia. That this is just a huge thing is sickening… I just hate society and humanity nowadays. Sometimes. Most times.
And do you look absolutely stunning in that dress!! xx but what is worth so much more is the kindness you’re giving to the world and the beautiful free advice. THANK YOU HAYES!
And sadly I still envy people who look like Margot Robbie or alix Earle because pretty privilege is still very very real…