Hello Hayes, Your content has made me reflect on an experience I had when I was younger. It’s made me wonder: If I had the words at the time, could I have helped myself get closure? Is closure still possible today? Is it possible to give closure to myself?
"I should not have looked through his phone and you shouldn’t have looked through hers. These are true facts. But another truth is that if trust is an arm, our blows weren’t the first to break the bone. "
THIS!!!
This was such a compassionate, mature, and meaningful response to the sender. Thank you again for sharing <3
I had a best friend in middle/high school who, from time to time, tingled my spidey senses. We didn't have texting when I was that age (yes, I'm old) so there wasn't a way for me to snoop. I have no idea if I would have if I could have, but my spidey senses were right. She started drifting in and out of my life as it pleased her. I was her best friend when she "needed" me (because she was going through big life stuff), but when I started to annoy her or was an inconvenient friend to have and she'd found someone better or easier or more popular, she'd drift away. She ended up dating my long term ex boyfriend despite the hurt and struggle it caused at the time. But the thing that finally ended the friendship was my realization that she just wasn't all that good of a friend to me. She didn't ask how I was doing or go out of her way to be a good friend to me. The effort - and probably the interest - wasn't there. So I let it go.
Many years later, as an adult, we had the opportunity to reconnect a bit. And we did - briefly, anyway. But in a way it ended up being like a reconfirmation of what I'd already learned when I was younger. She was great fun when fun times were on the table, but she either wasn't the type of friend to invest in her friendships, or she wasn't interested in investing with me.
I'm not saying people can't ever change. But I will say this - invest in the people who invest in you. It doesn't have to be anyone or everyone who is willing to invest in your friendship. But if you have friends you love who go out of their way to be in your life - those are the friends to put your energy into. Not the ones that make you chase them. Not the ones who take but don't give.
And Letter Writer - unless this former friend of yours strikes you as someone who could be one of those people, let it go. As Hayes said, you can put the phone thing to rest. You don't owe her a confession. You owe yourself closure and forgiveness and friends that don't make you feel like you're annoying.
This letter gives me so much strength and clarity in trusting my own instincts. And I love the way you listed out all of the forgivenesses. This is an incredible dialogue.
"I should not have looked through his phone and you shouldn’t have looked through hers. These are true facts. But another truth is that if trust is an arm, our blows weren’t the first to break the bone. "
THIS!!!
This was such a compassionate, mature, and meaningful response to the sender. Thank you again for sharing <3
Spot on advice.
I had a best friend in middle/high school who, from time to time, tingled my spidey senses. We didn't have texting when I was that age (yes, I'm old) so there wasn't a way for me to snoop. I have no idea if I would have if I could have, but my spidey senses were right. She started drifting in and out of my life as it pleased her. I was her best friend when she "needed" me (because she was going through big life stuff), but when I started to annoy her or was an inconvenient friend to have and she'd found someone better or easier or more popular, she'd drift away. She ended up dating my long term ex boyfriend despite the hurt and struggle it caused at the time. But the thing that finally ended the friendship was my realization that she just wasn't all that good of a friend to me. She didn't ask how I was doing or go out of her way to be a good friend to me. The effort - and probably the interest - wasn't there. So I let it go.
Many years later, as an adult, we had the opportunity to reconnect a bit. And we did - briefly, anyway. But in a way it ended up being like a reconfirmation of what I'd already learned when I was younger. She was great fun when fun times were on the table, but she either wasn't the type of friend to invest in her friendships, or she wasn't interested in investing with me.
I'm not saying people can't ever change. But I will say this - invest in the people who invest in you. It doesn't have to be anyone or everyone who is willing to invest in your friendship. But if you have friends you love who go out of their way to be in your life - those are the friends to put your energy into. Not the ones that make you chase them. Not the ones who take but don't give.
And Letter Writer - unless this former friend of yours strikes you as someone who could be one of those people, let it go. As Hayes said, you can put the phone thing to rest. You don't owe her a confession. You owe yourself closure and forgiveness and friends that don't make you feel like you're annoying.
This letter gives me so much strength and clarity in trusting my own instincts. And I love the way you listed out all of the forgivenesses. This is an incredible dialogue.
Excellent writing and true that self-loathing is so damaging. Love the way you focus on forgiving yourself.
This resonated so much with me, thank you.